Apathy is so GOD Damned tasty.

"What do you want out of life, Sydney?"


How the fuck do I answer this question? I don't even know why I am here. I don't know who on earth, or out of this earth for that matter, would put me here in this fucked up situation. I am apathetic, I don't necessarily love that about myself, but it's the truth.

I just want to find someone who I find attractive. Not only sexually but also in their general being. I want to find this person and just go at it with them. In more ways than just one. I want to be a free person, not have to worry about the burning pit in the depths of my stomach.

I hate the unknown, but what I hate even more is when people hate that you hate it. I just want to be left alone, I like to chase, not be the chased. Is that to much to ask? Yes it is, Sydney. I am so confused. I don't know the difference between right and wrong I can't see it clearly anymore. I used to have a decent grasp on what I should and should not be doing. However, that went out the window. Beggars can't be choosers, so I guess I should just stop begging, swallow my pride, and convert to an unholy being.

I can't care. It makes me feel as though I am being used. Being used for the greater good, and at this point in my life I don't want to be used anymore. When you are being used by a greater force, you then tend to feed off the strong and abuse them. I have done this for to long, and it's not healthy. Then again, what really is healthy in my life? (Nothing.)

Relationships, in my opinion, should come more naturally. They should not be epically formed in the heat of the dark. Unless of course, there is an undeniable passion between party A and Party B. However, in this case I (party A) was just not feeling any sort of passion, what-so-ever. What to do, what to do?

Fuck it, I don't really care.